I Am No Good At Goodbyes

I have many talents, I am not being vain – it is true. I am very lucky to be pretty good at most things I take on… until any form of human interaction is involved. I am awkward, I am clumsy and I always say the wrong thing. I find it incredibly hard to make friends, and when I do make friends it becomes a chore for me to uphold the relationship.

Until I met Jonelle., a.k.a my twin from another wine bin.

Weirdly enough, our husbands knew each other from way back and we used to party in the same circles – yet we never met until a few years ago. I can’t remember quite when we started chatting to each other, and when this friendship became what it is today – but I can’t imagine life without having her in my corner. I only have two really close, best friends. Joni is one of them, she is like an extension of myself. If I had to try a lot harder to be a better person, I would probably be just like her. Our friendship is effortless… it is rock solid and real. We never take any photo’s together because we are always too busy having fun! I regret that now, I wish we had more photo’s… at least we have rad memories.

Today Jonelle and her family leave for New Zealand, permanently. I am so sad, words can never describe how much I am going to miss this chosen family of mine. At the same time, I am really happy for her… but how do I say goodbye when I really don’t want to? I can’t say any of this in person, and I am only posting this once their plane is safely up in the air because I am really trying to keep my emotions together. I was a complete mess at the airport today, my heart was shattered and I couldn’t get any words out even if I wanted to.

I am not great at goodbyes, but I am not terrible at saying thank you. So, thank you first of all for accepting me and loving me for exactly who I am. I know, this isn’t easy – the only other people who have managed to this successful is my mom and dad, my sisters, husband, kids and the other bestie. I am stubborn, difficult and damn confusing. I go through more ups and downs than a roller coaster and I am mentally insane, but you love and accept me for me. There are days I wonder when you’ll finally come to your senses and cut ties with me so that you can find a friend that is a little more “normal”, one who isn’t so complicated. To my amazement, you never do. You tell me you’ll take the good with the bad, and when I question whether I have any good left, you’re always there to reassure me and show me that I do. Thank you for loving me in my inappropriate and difficult moments, moments where if the rest of the world saw them, they’d probably walkΒ run away. Thank you for understanding me, just the way I am and without any effort. Thank you for having a worse resting bitch face than me, so that I don’t always look like the grumpiest one. Thank you for being my soul mate.

You applaud my passions and tolerate my faults. You’re there for me, always. And it’s not always about what we say, or what we do – because you, by yourself, is enough.Β We’ve laughed, we’ve cried, and we’re stronger than ever.Β They say you don’t get to pick who you’re related to. That’s true. But youΒ doΒ get to pick who your family is. Your real family. And you’ll always be my family.

β€œYou can always tell when two people are best friends because they are having more fun than it makes sense for them to be having.”

I know this move is going to be tough, but did you die?

I think what makes me the most sad is that our boys won’t get to grow up together – they love each other so much, but I have a feeling we will all end up in the same country, the same place eventually.

Anyway. It will all be fine, and it is okay to be happy-sad about this. It is an adventure.

New Zealand is so lucky to have you guys.

3 thoughts on “I Am No Good At Goodbyes

  1. Kerry says:

    This is so beautiful! Friendships like this are so rare so hold on tightly to each other.
    Thinking of you both as you learn to adjust to being so far apart physically. But you’ll always be super close at heart β™₯

  2. Jonelle says:

    It’s a funny thing to be me. As a rule, I don’t get attached to people. I’ve had to leave so many people behind, I’ve been left behind so many times and death has taught me the art of being detached. I simply don’t invest my emotions in friendships and when they end, I’m like “well what ever, everything has a season” and yet this friendship, this is fucking different. I am BROKEN saying goodbye. I struggled so much thinking about how long it will be till I see you again. The weirdest part for me is that I can’t even remember when this became what it is. It just somehow was and it felt like surely it always has been. I will miss you so fucking much Maz. You will ALWAYS be that friend! I can’t bear to think about our boys. I know Oden is going to ask for Knox when he realises this isn’t a holiday. Thank YOU for being my friend. For thinking the best of me even when what you see, isn’t what I see! I love you and this may have been goodbye for now but it’s definitely not the end!

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