When I first found out during my second pregnancy that I was having a boy, I was over the moon… but terrified. Having only sisters and my first child being a daughter, I had no idea what to do with a little stick wielding, mud eating boy! Turns out it really isn’t that bad. Don’t get me wrong – they are little terrors, but it isn’t nearly as scary as I thought it would be. That being said, there are some things about having a boy that I wish someone would have told me about…
1 • They get little baby erections… And not in a weird way (although it is pretty weird), it is all just blood flow and it is also an indicator that their nerve-endings are functioning properly.This may shock and horrify you, but it is normal. Oh, and little stiffies tend to happen right before he needs to pee, so if you take off his diaper and see one, you might want to cover that sucker up again real quick. Or duck.
2 • They will wee in your face… Okay fine, everyone warned me about this one! Doesn’t make it less shocking when it actually happens!
3 • An afterthought to the above – those little PeePee TeePee things do not work after the first month or two, unless you care to see just how far your son’s urine can propel a tiny, soggy cone of fabric across the room. When I first found these I thought they were the most amazing invention ever, and they were so cute! (I mean, the name alone is irresistible.)4 • Also – A lot of times they manage to pee right on their own faces. It is absolutely amazing… and the funniest thing you will ever witness. And no, it won’t kill them – they’ll survive.
5 • According to actual statistics, boys go to the E.R more often. Knox made is debut at 9-months old when he got his finger chopped off. Yes, you read that right. I aged about 20-years in one night – you can read about it here. Here’s to many more grey hairs.
6 • Shopping for clothes SUCKS!!! I used to be a designer at Naartjie Kids a couple of years ago, and have worked for some of the major retailers in South Africa – so I think my +/- 7-years experience in the fashion industry entitles me to tell every retailer in this country that their boys clothes are horrid. Sies man! The selection is also so small compared to the girls’ clothes. The only place that I have ever found clothes for my son that a) are not only in primary colours and b) doesn’t looks like the CBeebies channel threw up on it or c) has some stupid overused catchphrase on it is Cotton On, Sticky Fudge and H&M – which is a schlep because I only shop when there is a sale going on (I’m stingy like that) and they are only in selected malls. I don’t know, maybe I am just too picky… what do you think? Where do you buy your son’s clothes?
7 • They play with their boy parts – a lot! Maybe it is like a cave man instinct? Boys play with their winkies practically from birth. Once he figures out it’s there, it’s overs.
8. Speaking of penises, no matter what they do to them, they can’t break. I’ve had to ask my husband the same question repeatedly for the past year: “Are you sure he can do that? Won’t he hurt himself??” The answer is always yes, even when they are pulling them to the point where it looks like it is going to rip off or twisting them into knots.
9 • When they start walking, they start climbing – and they would want to climb on EVERYTHING! Curious little creature that he is, Knox wants to explore… I am constantly finding him on the dining room table, or a makeshift tower of plastic chairs… my heart.
11 • They are gross, and love doing gross things. I know this is completely stereotypical, but it is true… well in my case anyway. One of the grossest things Knox have done so far is take his nappy off, poo on the floor, play with said poo, laugh about it, come to show me his wonderful poo (I screamed). Obviously I made him drop it and got him in the bath as soon as possible to hose him down…. I went back to clean it only to find that Bam, our dog, ate it. GAG.
12 • They are soooo messy! Okay, I know all kids get dirty – but holy crap! Knox is a permanent mess.
13. There’s always finger in your eye, your ear, or up your nose and it’s not yours. Boys find these things fascinating for some reason.
14. Having a boy crushes your heart into a million pieces… and it is amazing! I don’t love my son more than I love my daughter, but it is a special kind of love… and boys love their moms! For all the chaos that comes with boys, you can’t help but fall in love with their sweet sides. The hugs, love and sweet words are enough to melt my heart. It is unexplainable… I’m my son’s favourite person in the world, and it means more to me than money could ever buy.